Are you still single because you just haven’t met that one extraordinary person you’re supposed to fall in love with?
Everyday, sincere and hardworking relationship seekers come to me for advice on this. They are discouraged because their relationships haven’t stood the test of time.
The people they meet seem great at first, but then they change.
Or their partner abandons them, even after they’ve invested a lot of time and effort into keeping things together.
Perhaps you also feel disappointed by the people you’ve dated or loved, and wish you knew what you were doing wrong.
You know what you want and what you don’t want.
You have made room in your life for love, but you don’t want to settle.
You want to feel loved by a kind of partner who always makes you feel valued, secure and comforted. Someone who will inspire you to be the best person you can be, and a relationship that’s so enlivening and supportive that you could blossom into the person you were always meant to become.
I call that a soul–satisfying relationship. It’s that good.
And the only chance you have to experience that kind of relationship is to first find the right kind of partner.
Although this seems obvious, the reality is that it isn’t easy.
You’ve probably had your share of disappointments over the years, and it wasn’t for lack of effort.
You are ready and willing to have a great love, and you’ve invested a lot of heart into the process, so why is it that you still haven’t met that one special person?
There may be a good reason why you haven’t yet found the right romantic partner.
From my professional experience, it may be based on the criteria you’re using to gauge whether or not someone is “right” for you.
Do you find that you run through this checklist in your mind when meeting someone new?
If so, it could be the reason why your relationships haven’t worked out.
That’s because all of the above are superficial qualities that have very little bearing on whether or not your relationship can stand the test of time and be fulfilling long–term.
You may be asking yourself, “Well, OK, if physical attraction and common interests aren’t good indicators of long–term relationship success, what is?”
To answer that question, I have to first tell you about a very interesting observation I’ve made after a 40–year career of counseling singles and couples.
I noticed that there are two kinds of people: those who unwittingly sabotage their relationships and can’t ever stay in love long–term, and those who consistently make their partners feel secure, loved and cherished.
Those that make their partners feel loved and cherished all seem to have 12 common personality characteristics. These characteristics help them weather the storms of the relationship and build a stronger bond, no matter what the challenge.
These 12 characteristics have a way of creating safety and intimacy between partners, as well as intensifying passion, so the relationship isn’t just good, it’s transformative.
When partners have all 12 characteristics, they are what I call The Keepers.
Having these characteristics is the most consistent predictor of whether or not a couple will stay in love and remain happy together and successfully weather the ups and downs of life.
These 12 characteristics are, in fact, the secret to finding and keeping a lasting, soul–satisfying love.
Not sexual chemistry, not looks, not financial stability, not common interests.
Not ANY of the typical superficial traits we’re told are so important in connecting with a soul mate.
To give you an idea of the traits that predict lasting love, here are two of the 12 Keeper traits:
Keeper Trait #1: They’re authentic
Keepers feel responsible for what they say or do. They don’t pretend to be someone they are not, or automatically agree with something that they don’t. They want to be transparent because they don’t play games nor want to participate in any.
They’d rather hear the truth from others, too, even if it’s uncomfortable. Keepers choose partners who value them for their honesty. They don’t take that right lightly, nor do they use their authenticity to unnecessarily point out other’s faults.
Keeper Trait #2: They seek continuous transformation
Keepers are committed to learning from the past and projecting the future more effectively. To do that, they willingly seek constant new ways of seeing their lives unfold. They learn from their mistakes and believe in their dreams.
Most people will choose security and predictability over challenge or change. Keepers successfully blend the two. They cherish traditions but always search for better ways to help themselves and others. This way of being makes them interesting and exciting to be around.
When you subscribe to receive my free relationship advice newsletter, I’ll tell you more about the next 10 Keeper qualities, and I’ll teach you how to zero–in on the right partner for you so you don’t waste time on go–nowhere relationships. You’ll also learn: