- Keep the fires burning well past the “Honeymoon Phase”
- Create a foundation that’s built to last
- Make sure your relationship never gets boring
- Attract and identify your perfect partner
- My #1 Rule for lasting love
How Hollywood Gets Love Wrong
You’ve probably watched quite a number of these predictable storylines:
Boy meets girl. Boy sweeps girl off her (sometimes initially reluctant) feet. The two encounter a few snafus before falling madly in love and walking off into the sunset, living happily ever after.
Or this one:
A man and woman are brought together under trying circumstances – war, maybe illness. The two surmount enormous obstacles that threaten to keep them apart. By the end of the film, the two walk off into the sunset, living happily ever after.
Though abbreviated, these two scenarios illustrate how films have taught us to believe that “happily ever after” is an end point, rather than a beginning.
They portray romantic love as a kind of super glue that, once in place, guarantees perpetual happiness.
Yet in my forty years of counseling couples, I have faced many intimate partners as they were trying to hold on to loving feelings that seemed to be slipping away.
What happened to their happily ever after?
Why Movies Set Us Up For False Expectations
The unchanging, everlasting idea of love we’ve learned from movies, novels, and poetry is the opposite of what makes true love last.
In fact, it’s precisely this kind of expectation that results in so much of the relationship dissatisfaction couples are experiencing today.
“Romantic” love implies that two people will forever adore one another, and that the connection they feel will always be as intense and passionate as it is when they first fell in love.
It implies that once your search is over and you’ve found “the one,” you’ve figured everything out.
But for this to be true, it would require that the people in the relationship never change or grow. Both would stay stuck at whatever level of personal development they were at when they met.
There would be nothing new or exciting to report. Their love would be frozen in time.
As it’s becoming clear, this is the stuff of fiction.
People change. Feelings change. Dreams change. Life itself, changes. Unpredictable circumstances bring unforeseen experiences.
And believing otherwise is what creates problems for us later.
The Real Root Of the Problem
When we have an idealized view of romantic love, we aren’t prepared for the inevitable challenges and changes life brings – from the mundane like moving to a new home to the major events such as illness, raising children, and issues with your extended families.
And when these things do happen, we panic and resist. We crave what we once had. We become disillusioned with our partners. We blame them and think they’ve changed, or we blame ourselves. We rethink whether we’re in the right relationship at all.
But the reality is that we simply hadn’t set things up correctly from the start, and we’re not doing the things that recapture the magic and sense of discovery that existed at the beginning of the relationship.
Initial lust may fade, but euphoric, celebratory can be a constant.
When you enter into a relationship knowing that it’s natural for romantic love to change, you can use this phase of the relationship to set yourself up for lasting love.
What’s more, you can continue to enjoy the thrills of romantic love in your entire relationship. Why?
Because when you and your partner understand how romantic love truly unfolds and find ways to strengthen your connection through all the phases of your relationship, phenomenal intimacy is possible.
Transforming Romantic Love Into Long-Term Intimacy
When couples achieve true intimacy, they know how to bring back their initial romantic feelings, but imbedded within the depth of the heart-sharing history they have created over time.
They’re able to take all the discovery, spontaneity, and limitless potential of their courtship days… and inject it into their relationship so that they maintain the excitement while growing together as a couple and evolving as individuals. The result is sweeter and deeper than what they felt as a new couple.
When you subscribe to receive my free relationship advice newsletter (below), I’ll teach you how to love like a hero and create a love story that stands the test of time. You’ll learn:
- How to rediscover the magic of your courtship – and how to infuse your relationship with those positive feelings while creating new, exciting moments in the present.
- The common mistakes couples make that cause them to feel boredom and dissatisfaction in their relationship – being vigilant about these potential pitfalls will give you an enormous edge in navigating the inevitable ebb and flow that any intimate relationship will experience.
- Why breaking up is often a big mistake and not the answer to relationship dissatisfaction – you’ll learn how you can turn your current relationship into the one you’ve always longed for.
And if you’re already in a relationship and now wish you would have known all this at the beginning, it’s not too late for you. You can do just as my clients have done: build the right habits and skills to recapture the romance you once shared and create an even more connected future.
You’ll now understand what likely went wrong in your relationship, and you’ll know what to do to get things back on track.
When you’re armed with this insight and my techniques for creating true intimacy, you really can enjoy a movie-kind of love – one that lasts far beyond the usual storylines.
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All you need to create profoundly satisfying, fully authentic, fiercely committed love.
This book is the culmination of 4 degrees, thousands of patients, two counseling licenses, and over 40 years of practice.
It’s my life’s work, and I know it will change your life.
Who is Dr. Randi?
In my 40 years as a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, I’ve helped people understand why their relationships start out euphoric only to crumble, and what skills they need for lasting love.
The greatest obstacles between you and the love you want is often right before your eyes, but hard to see on your own. My specialty is to help you look at your relationships with heroic honesty, so you can affect powerful change.
My husband and I have practiced this every day for over 60 years, and nothing could be sweeter or more transformative. I know I can create radical change in you too, if you are willing to go on this exciting adventure.
What is Heroic Love?
True, lasting love can only come from partners who are willing to be heroic. They dare to be authentic, they commit fiercely to their love, and they embrace transformative change.
Like any hero’s journey, there will be challenges to overcome, demons to battle, and hearts to save. But, like a flower coming up through asphalt, love that is earned is all the more precious for the effort it took.
Heroic love isn’t boring, or taken for granted, or dishonest. It is the kind of love you commit to every day, both because you treasure it enormously, and because it is the agent of adventure, excitement and fulfillment in your life. Who you are, how you grow, becomes perfectly entwined with the heart of another. You are both stronger as individuals, and as a team.
It is the sweetest, and most beautiful, of rewards.