What if you felt that you and your partner spoke the same language and really “got” each other like no one else in the world?
Your relationship would feel so close and connected. It would be a source of light and joy in your life.
You’d trust each other implicitly.
You’d be kind to each other no matter what, and wouldn’t dream of cutting each other down with sarcasm or insults.
You would feel completely safe to share with your partner whatever thoughts, secrets or dreams that your soul held. And they would feel equally safe to be forthcoming with you.
You’d have your private jokes…
Your cute nicknames for each other…
You’d have the knowing glances whenever something happened that only the two of you understood as amusing.
You’d have so much fun being observers of life and discovering something new about each other every day.
Every moment you’d spend together would make you feel alive and hopeful.
What would it take to have that kind of relationship?
And why don’t you have that kind of relationship now?
You may think the reason you aren’t feeling this way now is because there’s something wrong with your partner, such as stubbornness, an inability to compromise, or a fundamental fault of character.
Maybe you worry that the love you have isn’t what it used to be. Or you may think you aren’t that compatible as a couple after all.
I can understand why you’d think that.
That’s because I’ve spent more than 40 years listening to couples tell me the reasons they THINK their love has gotten damaged. They think it’s fighting, cheating or lying.
But I can tell you that the reason most couples drift apart or fail to understand one another is NEVER what they think it is.
5+ hours of powerful audio and visual content: Plus workbook, exercises, quizzes & more!
Your relationship lacks closeness because of one single fundamental problem:
You actually don’t know each other as well as you think you do.
You haven’t been listening to your partner for a long time, and they haven’t been truly listening to you.
You’ve stopped letting your partner into your world and vice versa, because lingering emotions such as anger and resentment make it feel unsafe to do so.
Or you’ve simply lost interest, because you think there are no more surprises when it comes to your relationship.
And if that’s the case, I can tell you unequivocally that you are mistaken.
Here’s the truth about having that ultimate intimacy and closeness: It’s absolutely essential for you to express your complete truth to your partner, and for you to accept theirs.
To do this, both of you need to trust each other enough to let each other into your inner world, to share your soul and know the other will truly listen and accept it.
This is where the trouble lies.
Trust is built up in moment-by-moment interactions. We can build it – or lose it – in an instant.
As humans, we have the gift of words. We can share what we think and feel to draw closer and be fully known… and we can use words to prompt changes when something isn’t working.
But most of us don’t know how to effectively use words, and lose control in the heat of the moment. We accidentally do damage to our relationships with what we share, how we share it and how we respond:
We get triggered and lash out.
We try to prove ourselves “right,” and conversations escalate into fights.
We make ourselves enemies with only one “winner,” and we do huge damage in just one sentence we didn’t mean to say.
We seek out others to get our emotional needs met, and feel better and safer around people who aren’t our partners.
Our feelings get hurt and we pull away… inch by inch… farther and farther over time… until we stop sharing all together, because we’ve stopped believing our partners can really “hear” us, anyway.
If your relationship loses connection and intimacy, you know it and feel its isolating effects every day, with almost every interaction.
You tell your partner about something that made you happy, and they barely look up from their smartphone to acknowledge you.
You complain about something they did that hurt your feelings and they berate you instead.
You can’t even remember the last time your partner asked you about your feelings or how you’ve been doing lately.
Over time, the gap between what is said and what is truly felt widens.
Moments of connection become rarer, and other problems begin to bubble to the surface, such as infidelity, fighting, withdraw, and sexual disfunction.
All ability to authentically connect has been worn away, and neither of you can “hear” each other any more.
Words are being said, but they echo in empty chambers of the heart.
All attempts to grow closer end in more pain.
You long to recapture the ease and connection you once shared. To regain the joyous moments when you could tell each other everything – where every interaction bound your hearts closer together and made you feel less alone in the world.
You long to be fully yourself and be accepted for who you are.
You want your love for each other to be the way it used to be – unwavering and unconditional.
Each one of us is a unique collection of past experiences, relationships, perspectives and prejudices. We are an entity unto ourselves, coded with different triggers, fears, hopes and dreams.
We define words differently. We speak with different accents… even when we are born in the same house. We have different likes, dislikes, preferences and beliefs.
We understand that we are different in theory, and yet we approach our interactions assuming that everyone hears, sees, interprets and feels the way we do.
We see our interactions through the lens of our own unique culture, and assume that our partner either sees things the same way, or can be convinced.
This disconnect causes defensiveness, misunderstandings, hurt feelings and triggered or repressed fears.
Partners don’t feel understood, or listened to, or truly heard, and trust breaks down, interactions escalate into fights or worse, and the very skills that should have brought them closer together pushes them further apart.
But there’s a better way.
Once you’ve made the shift from being a “missionary” out to convert your partner to your way of seeing the world to being a “translator” of your partner’s own worldview, it becomes a challenge to actually put that understanding into action:
… when you are triggered
… when your feelings are hurt
… when you aren’t being listened to
… when your partner is incredibly “wrong”
It’s in those vulnerable moments that your words can do the most damage.
That’s when you end up saying the following sorts of deadly phrases to each other.
“You’re out of your mind!”
“I was just joking, what’s the matter with you?”
“If you don’t stop doing that, I swear I’m going to scream.”
“You should really do it this way.”
“I’m better off without you!”
“You’re a #%$#ing jerk.”
And then, no matter how much you want your love to work, you’ve just put another nail in the coffin of your damaged relationship.
That’s why I created my program, The The Art of Translation: to teach you how to use that skill in the moment, so your every interaction brings you closer instead of pushing you apart.
I’ll teach you how to “translate” the real meaning behind what your mate is saying, and how to respond in a way that allows both of you to feel supported and heard, especially in those critical conversations that seem impossible right now.
And you’ll learn the 8 “Communication Saboteurs” – words and phrases that are so dangerous that they instantly shut down any hope of understanding or intimacy.
When my clients hear what these saboteurs are, they instantly recognize them and realize they've been using them their entire lives.
For your romantic relationship to thrive – and really, for ANY of your relationships to thrive (whether with parents, children, friends… anyone!), you need to know these saboteurs, spot them in the moment, and replace them with new strategies that allow the person to feel respected and heard… even when you strongly disagree with them.
For these changes to “stick” for my clients and for you, you’ll need very specific exercises, phrases and tools to create new habits and reactions when communicating.
It’s one thing to understand the theory of how something works, but you need actionable steps to put it in practice.
In the The Art of Translation, I’ve incorporated all the best exercises, approaches, scripts and self-assessment tools that I use in my regular practice, and I’ll walk you through exactly how to use and apply them to your life. Including:
You will see tremendous change in your relationship just from you how respond in the moment.
Both of you can evolve and become your best selves, open to change and able to get past your own limits and past baggage. You will be a team, capable of resolving old issues and preventing new ones from forming.
You’ll be able to access the program within minutes of purchasing.
7 full days of unlimited access before deciding to keep it.
Not 100% thrilled? Let us know and we’ll give you a full refund.
When people lose each other, their most painful regret is what they should have said and how they should have said it.
We wish we could have listened better, so we would know when our partner was hurting and needed us. We wish we could have spoken the words that would have brought us closer, instead of creating distance and pain.
Our intentions are usually good, but our actions and words so often work against us.
But it’s not our fault. None of us are naturals at good communication. We learned how to relate from the people in our lives who often didn’t know how much of a destructive role model they were.
We had parents who unconsciously said the wrong thing at the wrong time, or often fought bitterly. We had to tolerate teachers and coaches who weren’t very enlightened when it came to compassion and acceptance. We lived through past bad relationships that have made us skittish and distrustful.
The classroom of life has taught us bad habits that have the potential to ruin the good feelings we share with the people we care about. Now we need to unlearn all those bad habits to have the kind of relationship we know is possible.
I’ve been honored to work with so many couples that heroically stepped into their vulnerability and were able to repair the damage done by poor communication. This is why I developed the The Art of Translation. I wanted to share the secret behind creating a relationship that’s strong, resilient and deeply gratifying.
When the person you love looks at you, needing so badly to be heard, and wanting so much to hear the right words, you won’t hesitate. With The The Art of Translation you’ll have the insight and the tools to express your needs, while at the same time understanding and respecting theirs.
It is only when you understand and respect another person’s reality and melt it with your own that you can hope to be deeply known.
To be deeply known and still beloved is an incredible experience. When both partners have mastered that gift, their relationship will grow into something more beautiful than most people have ever known.